So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
