Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
