we have pet lesbian snakes
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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