My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
