Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
