The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
