i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
