love makes seman taste better
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
