Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
