He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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