What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
how drunk are you?
Several
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Randomize
