Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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