we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
try to milk me bitch
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
