I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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