dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
