Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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