It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
