i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
