he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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