All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
