My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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