I never want to see another naked old woman again.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
