wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
