if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
