I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
