I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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