I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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