Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
