The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
