There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Dick very happy bro
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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