You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I just threw up on my dentist
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Randomize
