weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
