I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I wear drunk well.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
