you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
