i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
