my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
We are two peas in an std pod
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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