The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
