glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
