Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
