Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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