Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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