I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
