my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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