The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
