i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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