she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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