wat bout pragnant strippers??
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
