; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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