how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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