Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
